


The One Where Wade Confronts Bubblegum Humperdink

by sgtbuckaroobarnes



Series: Deadpool Ficlets [3]
Category: Deadpool (2016)
Genre: and there was new things that came out and it made it worse, anti Benedict Cumberbatch, i'm just bitter about somethings, so i'm venting this way, so if you dont wanna read that and dont like that then just stay away from this fic, this is anti Benedict Cumberbatch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 18:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10168886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtbuckaroobarnes/pseuds/sgtbuckaroobarnes
Summary: Wade is tired of Bundleup Catchyourdeath playing parts and getting parts that he shouldn't, so he goes to find him to tell him some shit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> seriously, this is anti Ben C. because he got cast in a grinch remake and that pissed me off, but also, he had been cast in several things that he shouldn't have been and i'm super bitter and just so damn frustrated and i'm kind a sorry but also not really cuz this helped me with my stress. but, if you do like him, and are a fan, i guess i'm sorry. just, don't read it and get mad at me for when i warned you what was in it!

He couldn’t fucking take it anymore. First Khan, and then Dr. Strange, and who fucking knows what was next? No, it had gone too far and Wade was gonna put a fucking stop to it, because apparently no one else cared enough to do so. He was walking down the street, ignoring the people staring at him. He was used to that, suit or not people stared, and he wasn’t stupid, he knew that the red suit wasn’t fooling anyone, they knew he wasn’t Santa. And why would he be, it’s the beginning of March, why the fuck would Santa be walking around the streets of London in March? He wouldn’t, but that’s the not the point.

The point is, he was gonna find Bendynoodle Custardbath, and tell him what’s what.

It takes him a few hours, two taxi’s, and three distracting street venders, but he finds him. He’s walking down the street toward Wade. Wade snatches a newspaper from a news stand and rolls it up as he walks toward him. He moves in front of him quickly, he moves his eyes over Wade and his face lights up. Wade raises his hand and then brings it down quickly, the THWAP sound the newspaper makes when it connects with Bandersnatch’s head makes Wade smile.

“NO!” Wade yells, pointing at him with newspaper.

“I beg your p-“

“Oh don’t gimme that crap. You know what you’ve you done you beady eyed, self serving, character ruining, gangly limbed, shit…shit faced…fuck…nut. Listen I’m running out of insults that make sense together but you get the idea Bundleup Catchyourdeath!” Wade said in a rush, tucking the newspaper under his arm and then glaring at him. He just gaped, his mouth hanging open, and stared back.

“Well are you gonna respond or just stare me like an idiot all day?” Wade asked, tapping his fingers against his chin to close his mouth.

“I’m really not sure what you want me to say.” He said, in that deep annoying voice of his. Wade rolled his eyes so hard his whole head rolled with them. He looked back at him and narrowed his eyes.

“You, Bubblebath Scratch-n-sniff, have-“

“I really don’t appreciate when people do that with my name you know.” He interrupted. Wade cocked his head to the side.

“Yeah? Well shit man, I’m sorry. Hey do me a favor and look over there real quick.” Wade said, moving forward and putting his arm over Bendynoodle’s shoulder as he looked behind him.

“What am I looking for?” he asked, sounding annoyed. Wade raised his hand and pointed forward.

“You’re looking for the fucks I give.” He said, waving at where he’d been pointing and then leaning closer.

“And I’ll give you a hint.” He said, turning him around to look at him.

“You ain’t gonna find ‘em.” He whispered before taking a step back.

“Very funny.” Bubblebath said, sounding very not amused. Wade nodded and smiled.

“Thanks, anywho, as I was saying. You’ve done terrible things. You’ve ruined so many characters that had so much goddamn potential! And I cannot just stand by and let it happen any longer. You’ve done enough.” Wade said, his voice going low as he pushed forward into Snickerdoodle’s face.

“What exactly do you want me to-“

“I’m about to tell you what I want you to do, if you’d shut up for a second I could tell you!” Wade said, mocking him until he started shouting. He cleared his throat and then slapped his hands down on his shoulders.

“So, Shrinkydink Munchkinland- don’t make that face, just suck it up bro. As I was saying, what I want you to do, is stop taking roles that you know you shouldn’t, and before you ask me how you’re supposed to know, YOU KNOW! Okay? You know. Don’t pretend you don’t cuz you do and pretending you don’t will only make me angrier. Okay? Okay.” Wade said, slamming his hands down again, hard, before pulling back and resting them on his waist, nodding to himself.

“Is that all then?” Shrinkydink asked. Wade nodded harder and sighed.

“I think so yeah. Just, use some fucking common sense. And, pass this message on to your agent too, cuz they know what they’re doing too and I’m tired of everyone just passing the buck on okay? That do-able?” Wade asked, stepping close again. Preztelstand nodded.

“Good. Have a good day.” Wade said, turning to leave.

“And I don’t wanna have to come back here so just….fucking listen to what I said okay?” Wade called over his shoulder. He heard him say something that sounded like agreement and just kept walking. Then he heard a breaking news announcement from a tv in a storefront window.

“Breaking news. Benedict Cumberbatch to play The Grinch in upcoming remake. More on this story as it develops.” Wade turned to stare at the tv, the entertainment news reader was smiling brightly next to a picture of Buckleberry’s elongated face. Wade bit his lip, dropped his head and took a deep breath.

“Ya know what? Naw.” Wade said to himself. He turned back to where Burlapsack had just been standing, found the back of his head in the crowd, pulled his gun out, and squeezed the trigger. He heard Bowtruckle scream out and saw him reach for his shoulder and then kept walking. He smiled to himself and walked down the sidewalk, sliding into an alley and disappearing quickly. He made his way back home with satisfaction in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> i should also specify that Wade didn't kill him. he just shot him. he's alive.


End file.
